Will My Anxiety Ever Go Away?

The #1 question I get from pregnant friends pre and post baby is always something like this: “Does the crippling anxiety ever get better?”

If you do a quick Google search asking a similar postpartum question, you’ll note that this is a top question from people all over the world – second only to “will my postpartum hemorrhoids ever go away?”

Which is another question I’ve gotten dozens of times, so we’ll save that for another day. I will say, hemorrhoids are easier to treat because it’s a distinctly physical ailment vs. a mental one. And, especially if you are breastfeeding, treating mental ailments is a lot trickier. 

Now, if you – like 95% of other new mothers and/or partners of new mothers – are searching for this on Google. Here’s what you’ll get: 

• A bunch of ads and generic stuff about symptoms, treatment, causes, and some scary articles about it never going away. 

I know because I spent endless hours Googling everything under the sun.

I worried he had brain damage after a traumatic delivery with way too much Pitocin and a massive head in the 99th percentile (my pelvic bone actually cut and bruised his head, badly).

I worried he wasn’t getting any nutrients because he spit-up non-stop.

I worried that his baby acne was never going away….

That his eczema was due to an deadly or debilitating autoimmune disorder. That his cradle cap was a curse I could have prevented. That his dairy-allergy would be permanent. That he was allergic to everything I was eating (you should see my food journals and me trying to figure out what was causing him distress so I could eliminate those things from my diet)…

That every little thing wrong with his skin and digestive system could have been avoided had I done something differently.

I still worry because his weight dipped into 5th percentile at his 9-month check up (in spite of eating constantly).

I worried back when he wasn’t crawling after I saw my friend’s baby on Instagram crawling even-though he was three-weeks-younger.

This list goes on and on. It was (and still can be) exhausting. At times, I felt hopeless.

How to Cope

Spoiler: I don’t think it goes away, but I don’t think that’s always cause alarm either. I think many people can get better at coping with it over time after the insane post-partum hormones simmer down and once we, as mothers, partners, family, and friends to new mothers grow more confident in this new way of life. 

This includes our ability to intuitively understand our babies, our ability to read our partners’/friends’ verbal and nonverbal calls for help, and our shared ability to actively respond in a helpful way, understanding that we’re all in it together. 

Because moms, first and foremost, need a village.  

But, in today’s individualistic society with bigger houses and smaller families… bigger cities, but smaller communities… it’s increasingly challenging to find the right community. And new mamas are feeling more isolated than ever. 

At its core, that’s why I started BRAINWASH. And what it’s all about.

Overcoming isolation. Building a tribe. Supporting and encouraging. Squashing pre-conceived norms and finding innovative ways to find, share, and process information in a way that helps us all live a more balanced, happier life. To come out of our isolation and into a shared community where we can exchange stories and share our lives in a more impactful way. 

So if you’re reading this today, I hope you leave here feeling even just 1% better. And if you’re feeling anxious today, know you can channel that into something positive.  

Just like stress, mild to moderate levels of anxiety can be advantageous. Inconvenient, but necessary. It can help keep our precious little new bundles of life, living.  The #1 priority here. 

But it can quickly become all-consuming. And you absolutely should get off Google and reach out to a medical professional if you’re having uncontrollable urges to harm yourself or others (this includes wanting to leave or abandon a newborn) – or if you’re finding yourself unable to get out of bed and be a caretaker. 

And there should be NO shame asking for help, whatsoever. Adjusting to the chemicals and hormones flowing through our bodies during pregnancy and motherhood can go completely haywire. And getting all that under control and balanced with the help of professionals and medicine can be the most admirable thing any of us can do – for ourselves, our families, and society at large. 

Stop This, Start That

But often, what we all need – more than scary horror stories on Google and 19 new prescriptions (although some prescriptions for anxiety and depression can be a godsend) – is to be heard, seen, and supported by real people. 
And:

• To stop expecting perfection from ourselves.

• To allow ourselves some grace and appreciation for the amazing things we’re quietly doing every single day (creating life and sustaining is an unrivaled achievement… you’re allowed to celebrate that each and every day).

• To stop competing with all the Pinterest-perfect moms we’re following on Instagram. 

• To allow ourselves moments to indulge in what others might see as “selfish whims.”

Because the MOST important thing you can do for your baby is to respect yourself. And, although some things will forever be out of your control – what you can control is keeping yourself as healthy and happy as possible. That is what babies need most from us. 

What we ALL need during any major life transition is some honest, unbiased info, genuine support, and a community to help support us. 

Because, while getting information from Google is a great place to start, I promise you that you are opening Pandora’s box. You will find yourself plummeting down one too many endless rabbit holes, wasting precious hours you need for sleep, nutrition, and basic care of your newborn. 

It’s not ALL a waste of course. Google is a double-edged sword. It can crush your fears and your soul, simultaneously — in five minutes flat. 

Inevitably, you’re going to accidentally trip over someone’s dark pit of despair and hurl yourself into a full blown panic as you stumble upon countless horror stories and worst-case-scenarios (note: this applies to ANYTHING you are searching online as a new mother). 

And for the record, no, I don’t think me telling you this right here and now is going to stop you from doing so anyway. 

I’m just here to offer you something else.

Another outlet. A place to share YOUR unique stories about anxiety pre- and postpartum (the struggles and triumphs). And a place to offer encouragement and support to others experiencing something similar to you. 

Because, you’re the only expert of your story and what’s going on in your mind. So stop accepting a generic blanket answer from Google. 

Comment below or email me and tell us your story. Ask us your specific questions. And I will reply to the comment of feature your story and ask for our readers and community to share their feedback. 

And to offer their personalized advice and insights based on share similar experiences. So we can build a community of like-minded-mamas and mama-supporters as we ride this roller-coaster of parenthood, shaping future minds and world-views, one healthier and happier mama + child at a time.